


Malaise and Mitigation

by TKXHV



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Comfort, Dealing with anxiety, Gen, downward mood-swing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 01:23:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8183567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TKXHV/pseuds/TKXHV
Summary: If he had to choose between manic mood-swings and depressive mood-swings, Tesarus would prefer the former.Though he knows he has no control over which he gets hit with.





	

It was times like this that Tesarus wished he was smaller.

Not even minibot-sized, though that would be perfect, just an average-sized bot who could easily tuck themselves into an enclosed, dark and out of the way space so he could ride out this wave as best he could. But the Peaceful Tyranny had been modified so all rooms were large enough for a mech his size to move around comfortably, and while it was a blessing that not all ships had, it was hell when it came to his loathed but inevitable downward mood-swings.

Which resulted in Tesarus resorting to this.  
Pressed as hard as he could be into the corner of his quarters, lights off so he was in complete darkness and folded tightly in his alt-mode. He was less likely to dent his own fingers while fidgeting when he couldn't use his arms.

Tesarus shuddered involuntarily, his tanks gave another churning roll and he bit back a whine. He absolutely despised this, hated with every fibre of his being at how helpless and sick he felt when he crashed like this.  
Mania was easy to deal with, both the Peaceful Tyranny and the base on Messatine were equipped with facilities to indulge in recreational destruction, both for practice and for moments of releasing built up violence so tempers would not be unintentionally unleashed on a teammate. For Tesarus it meant having something that he could focus the manic episodes on and not be instantly bored of.

But this moroseness, this gross helplessness and heaviness in his brain was agony.

He knew exactly what triggered this one too, he'd made a mistake in the mission today. Tesarus was meant to be on watch after he'd finished shredding their target's legs to scrap but accidentally spaced out and hadn't noticed a small group of the mech's friends had snuck up on them until a flashbang landed right at their feet and went off. The would-be rescuers were all incapacitated of course, Kaon made sure of that, and the torture was extended to show them what an ignorant and foolish venture they pursued.  
None of the DJD were hurt, though their optics stung terribly for a while, but the damage had already been done to Tesarus. He was lucky this time that he was able to stave off breaking down like this until he was back on the ship and hidden away in his room.

He knew logically that Tarn wouldn't be too angry, that he would reprimand him but ultimately knew that Tesarus couldn't help his mind wandering like that, so he would not be punished. His processor didn't want to listen to that logic however, instead overwhelming him with dread and stress and overblown accusations that he could have very well gotten his team killed with his carelessness.

Tesarus wished he had mania more often, instead of this. Manic episodes gave him energy, made him feel so absolutely alive, it didn't make him want to be small, it didn't make him feel like there was a terrible cold oil stuffing his cranial to the brim, it didn't make him want to wail in frustration and bite his fingers off from anxiety. The manic episodes didn't make him feel ashamed to be seen by...

Tesarus hadn't noticed the door to his habsuite had opened until the lights suddenly turned on.

He felt his frame surge with panic when he saw Vos standing in the doorway, confusion written all over his face.

Vos, this one, was new.  
He has only been part of the team for a month and hadn't yet seen Tesarus in this state.  
The others knew that he crashed like this, and Vos would have known eventually, but Tesarus wasn't ready for him to know yet, especially finding him like this.

He took a few slow steps forward, his head tilted in what looked like concern. He said something in old cybertronian, Tesarus didn't know what, but he recognised the word for his designation. Vos was probably trying to ask what was wrong.  
Tesarus didn't say anything, he didn't trust himself to speak in front of him. He would stammer and lose track of his words and he was already mortified enough.

Vos spoke again. A question. Tesarus remained silent.

Vos muttered something and briskly left.

Relief didn't come at the departure of his teammate, the door was wide open and the lights were left on. Tesarus didn't have the energy to transform and put everything back how he wanted it so he shut off all visual sensors and tried to ignore the slight draft coming from the open door.

It wasn't long before Tesarus heard heavy footfalls heading in his direction. As they got closer, he heard Helex's voice.

"-ot set off by what happened today. He'll be fine after a while, you just need to know what to do to help him along."  
There was chatter in Old Cybertronian and Helex chuckled, "He forgets to ask for help, that and sometimes he feels like he can't or doesn't deserve it. We're all working on that though."  
Tesarus turned his visual sensors back on just in time to see the two enter the doorframe. Helex wore a soft smile and waved his fingers in greeting, "You okay with us coming in?"

Tesarus was quiet a moment before he grunted a positive and Helex entered, Vos trailing behind.  
"Need extra pressure?" Helex asked.  
Another positive grunt and Helex sat, pressed close Tesarus's side that wasn't against the wall, draping one large arm heavily over him. Tesarus felt himself marginally relax.  
"Vos would you mind hitting the lights?"

Vos nodded and trotted over to the switches. The room became dark again, the only illumination coming from the hallway lights.  
"The door too." Helex prompted.  
Vos pauses, shuffling his feet before saying something, gesturing to Tesarus.  
Helex tilted his head, "Sorry, I didn't catch that."  
Vos repeated himself slowly.

"He wants to know if you're okay with him staying or if you want him to leave." Helex said, "Remember it's fine if you just want one person in here with you."

Through the haze and static of his brain, a single thought pushed through, a beacon of sense amongst the unrest.  
Vos staying meant another frame against him, staving off the agitating empty space. It meant Vos would be more used to this the next time it happened.

Tesarus pushed himself to speak, his words slurring together from the effort, "You can stay."

Vos nodded and shut the door, feeling his way over the two in the darkness and settling against Tesarus's front treads. Helex started rubbing comforting circles around the edge of his grinder and Tesarus felt himself feel a little less awful.  
Not by much, but enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a while ago because we don't see much of Tesarus's sullen and capricious nature in fanworks but it tapered off because I lost motivation.  
> Then I had one of my own anxiety attacks and got to finishing this whilst the iron was hot.


End file.
